DID YOU KNOW…
While you patiently wait to see how the corona virus will play out, you are also partaking in an enormous social study that is funneling everyone into one of two categories? Either you relish in solitude or you hate isolation. But regardless of which group you fit into, there are much needed lessons you are learning today. Just because our social routines and business as usually are stopping, doesn’t mean you can’t take great actions at this time. In fact, it’s rare that you every get a moment like this, where you can focus on the fundamental you rather than trying to meet everyone else’s expectations of you.
This upheaval is the means by which the universe wants to give you a moment to redefine how you operate and why, prior to the spring equinox where you will anchor into what you discover now. Regardless if you like being alone or need to have others around you, here is what you want to know about the lessons you are learning at this time and how to master them so you can live a more authentic life.
THE UNDERLYING ISOLATING THEME
In order to live authentically, you must incorporate all aspects of the human experience into a cohesive and balanced form. Achieving this level of stability requires that you not deny one thing for another, but rather incorporate your vast spectrum of being. In other words, you are all things good, bad and indifferent and you must find permission for each of these things in some way.
You cannot have light with dark, good without bad, nor connection without isolation. The entire trick to living a fulfilling life is to embrace all elements and then determining your personal balance point knowing that you must incorporate something of each. In that regard, balance is always found between polarities. Just as social time is necessary for cultivating one’s self, solitude is equality important to your personal well-being. The whole point here is that you don’t want to live on the poles, you want to find your unique balance between polarities. However, balance is individual and doesn’t always equate 50/50.
I always say that 80% of the time I’m good so 20% of the time I can be bad and that’s my personal balance. That’s also the ration I use for my personal vs. social time, as I tend to be more of a loner but that equates balance for me. If you are one of our social animals, your balance may be more like 75% of the time you’re social and 25% of the time you give to solitude. It doesn’t matter the percentage, just that you consider where your healthiest balance points are so you can maintain proper equilibrium.
The corona virus is providing you with an opportunity to find more balance. If you are a loner, you are having to reassess if your need for isolation is due to mistrust, fear or an inability to allow help and how that may be limiting your progress. And If you need others around, you are reassessing if your need for connection is due to co-dependencies or are an unconscious way of distracting yourself from business you need to take care of but are not.
I’M AN EXTROVERT AND HATE BEING ALONE -WHAT DO I DO?
Given that most people are having a hard time stopping their business-as-usual routines, I would say the majority of individuals don’t like being separated from one another. We are social creatures after all. If you fall into this category, this virus is making you question why we need outside stimulation and if it’s truly making you happier. While it can be hard to be alone with your thoughts, that’s the point. It is too easy to distract yourself from the things you need to spend time contemplating and never take real action toward your dreams.
For instance, if you are in a toxic relationship but never spend the adequate time to truly determine what would be in your best interest and instead go out and play with friends, become a workaholic, engage in non-stop sports, or even becoming a shopaholic because any of that is easier than dealing with the heavy issue holding up your life’s progress, you are deficient in solitude. In that sense you are not balancing yourself with the necessary alone time to truly get a clear understanding of what you want, why and how to achieve it.
You can apply this scenario to any situation. If you want a new job, to start your own business, to take time off and travel the world for a year, or even if you want to move to a new home or state, if you are not taking time to be only with your thoughts, you are likely not achieving what you desire. Thankfully, that’s also your fix.
How Extroverts Can Find Their Balance in this Time of Isolation
If you are inclined to meet up with friends more than whole up at home, self-quarantining can be a very uncomfortable act. Here is what you can do to elevate your loneliness:
Spend time with your own thoughts. If you have a big decision to make or you desire a new direction in life, listen to the many thoughts you have about what you desire so you can determine if your thoughts support your greatest good.
Still your mind so it can go blank. Often in social settings, we are seeking validation and direction for our ideas and endeavors rather than truly doing what we feel is best for ourselves. In that sense, we often give more credence to what others think causing us to water down our desires because we’ve suddenly incorporated into our mix what others deem acceptable. Rather than seeking outward validation, practice stilling your mind so your spirit can bring it the validation its seeking. You may not get that validation immediately, but because you are eliminating constant distraction, you will feel the subtle energy shift that tells you when something is right or wrong for you whenever it appears. (If you need help with this, enroll in my FREE energy revitalization guided meditation.)
Find a new balance. When life goes back to normal after the virus, you will still want to take time to isolate. Spend time contemplating what balance between connection and isolation is healthiest for you and then take appropriate actions going forward.
I’M A INTROVERT AND LOVE BEING ALONE – WHAT CAN I DO?
Now let’s address the other end of the spectrum. In this polarity, you welcome the times when you are alone and it’s hard to see how social distancing is a bad thing. If you lend more to this ideal, this virus is making you question why you feel the need to isolate and if that is making you any happier in life.
I know slews of people who not only relish their alone time, often going days and even weeks without needing to interact with others. If this sounds familiar, it’s likely you have no problem being alone with your thoughts, maybe even to the point that your thoughts begin interfering in the reality happening around you. Just as distraction is a great way not to face an issue, overthinking it is another way of avoiding making big decisions.
If you are in a toxic relationship and spend every waking and sleeping moment running through all the scenarios from staying one more year, to one more week, to one more day, or until waiting for pigs to fly and the world change, you are socially deficient. In that sense, you are not balancing yourself with the necessary friend time to aid you in getting your thoughts clear so you are not creating a reality that only exists in your head. Other people are a great gauge for helping you understand what you deserve, why and how to give it yourself.
And of course, you can apply this scenario to any situation. If you want to go back to school, get engaged in politics, expand your business, what have you, if you are not bouncing your ideas off of others, you will have a difficult time achieving your desires.
How Introverts Can Find Their Balance in this Time of Isolation
If you are inclined to stay at home on a Friday or Saturday night, you’re an introvert. I know this because I’m one of you. Understandably, you are likely enjoying the down time. However, that may also be the indication that you are out of balance. Here is what you can do to understand more what keeps you from engaging with others:
Spend time purposely contemplating what causes you to isolate and if that’s healthy. Often, we choose to be loners because we mistrust people, fear their expectations of us, or we simply don’t know how to receive support from others – none of which are healthy behaviors. This is a great time for you to devise a game plan for overcoming your limiters and engaging with people in more balanced ways once the virus subsides.
Get on Skype or FaceTime and Reach Out to Others (especially if they are the social types – they need you right now and you really need them too.) As you likely are learning the importance of social activity, you can start practicing it now without having to leave home. Branch out with your technology and make an effort to connection.
Find a new balance. When life goes back to normal after the virus, you will still want to take steps to engage more socially or allows others to be of assistance to you. Spend time fostering the relationships that matter most to you, you’ll never regret that. But also, make an effort to establish new friendships, perhaps with those with similar interests and recognize that we cannot grow alone because we need other people to teach us something new. (If you need a new group, join any of my live online course events.)
Bottom line, use this time wisely, you are not likely to get it again anytime soon. Seize the opportunity to find a greater sense of personal balance so come Springtime you are prepared to enact your higher ideals.
Wishing You Peace,